WARNING: THIS IS SATIRE
Rumors swirl – Has the RMR Commandeered The Radiata?
SOMEWHERE IN THE BAY OF KAWAU- Rumors have been circulating that a group of rogue RMR have commandeered a small vessel by the name of “Radiata”. The Royal New Zealand Navy (RNZN) has reported receiving sporadic radio transmissions from a vessel matching the Radiata’s description however the vessel has now declared itself the HMCS Vimy Ridge. The latest intelligence reports believe the vessel is sailing east through Kawau Bay.
While the Regiment has confirmed there was a small group of RMR on leave in the vicinity of Kawau Bay, The Regiment will not however confirm the ramped rumors of piracy. When shown a photo of the suspected vessel and alleged pirates, the Regimental Sergeant Major steadfastly discredited the photo being soldiers of his beloved Regiment. The RSM is quoted “It is impossible for these young men to be of my Regiment; their hair is far too long and some even look unshaven!”
Adding fuel to the speculation a local woman believes she ran into the group a few days ago. She recalls a group of young men with Canadian accents arguing over how may bottles a day was the appropriate rum ration. Furthering the folklore of the pirated vessel a local farmer on a remote island has also come forwarded as having potentially seen the group. “I few days ago I spotted a dodgy looking group discussing the merits of fruits and vegetables. The group quickly reached a consensus that beer and potato chips definitely had the vitamins required to fight scurvy. Chicken chips they said were the best.” The farmer took a long pause, spat out the kowa kowa leaves he was chewing on and continued; “I’m not sure how long they’ll last at sea”.
The authorities remain hopefully as the search has narrowed slightly in the recent days. The RNZN recently snapped this photo from the frigate HMNZS TE KAHA, one of the key fighting units of the RNZN. The commander of the frigate considered sending a boarding party to take back the Radiata however hearing the men on board were RMR he wisely called for back up. It is rumored the USS Carl Vinson will provide the backup however its location in the pacific has yet to be confirmed and verified.
Authors note: This piece is meant to a light hearted, comical and is not factual. No sailors were hurt in the writing of this article; sailors feelings however may have been!